Saying no (Even When Yes is Easier)
By Sophie Makonnen
Much has been written about the art of saying no across coaching, leadership, and productivity spaces.
For many professionals, saying no doesn’t come easily. The work matters. The stakes feel high. And the lines between personal commitment and professional expectation are often blurry. Nevertheless, learning to say " no " strategically, respectfully, and without guilt is essential to staying focused.
Take, for example, this situation:
Nadia, a program coordinator (not her real name), is asked to join a new task force on short notice. The topic is important, the leadership is high-profile, and it could be a visibility opportunity. However, she’s already behind on a report due next week, leading a field mission, and trying to support a team member who has been out sick. Saying yes might help her reputation, but at the cost of sleep, the quality of her work, and trust in her boundaries. Saying no, on the other hand, feels risky — like she might be turning down a hard-earned opportunity. After years of proving herself, it feels counterintuitive to turn something down. She’s caught in the familiar bind: how do you decline without damaging relationships or her professional credibility?
It’s a question that often arises in coaching conversations, especially when the request is legitimate, the stakes are real, and your own priorities are already stretched.
Here are a few approaches I often share with my clients: they can offer helpful support when navigating requests while staying aligned with your priorities. You don’t need to use all of them every time. Some may feel more natural than others, and a few may only be suitable for specific situations. You might choose just one, or combine a few, depending on the relationship, the urgency, and what feels manageable in the moment.
Acknowledge the Request: Even when you’re not going to say yes, it’s still worth acknowledging the invitation or request. Someone reached out to you for a reason, because they value your perspective, your work, or your input. A brief thank-you shows respect without implying agreement.
2. The importance of Focus: Before you can say no with confidence, you need to be clear on what you’re already responsible for. What’s expected of you? What needs to be delivered? What matters most right now? You may not always have control over your priorities, but you need to be able to name them. When you’re not clear on your priorities, every request can seem equally urgent, and that’s when overwhelm can set in. But once you know what matters most, it becomes easier to spot what doesn’t fit or what can wait. Saying no might still feel uncomfortable, but it’ll feel more reasoned, more stable, less like a reactive move, and more like a deliberate decision.
3. Before saying yes to something new, it’s worth asking: What will this actually cost me? In other words, when you say yes to something, what are you saying no to? We often try to take on more without letting anything go, but time and energy are finite. Every yes comes with a trade-off, even if it’s not immediately visible.
If you agree to join that new committee, what shifts will you be making? Will something else be delayed, dropped, or quietly absorbed into your evenings? If you accept a short-notice work trip, will it mean rescheduling key meetings, pushing deadlines, or sacrificing a weekend you had protected for rest or family? These aren’t excuses, they’re real considerations. It’s not about whether you can do it; it’s about what you may have to set aside to make it possible.
And yes, there are times when you’ll decide it’s worth it, when the opportunity aligns with your goals, adds visibility, or builds something important. That’s not the problem. The issue is when this becomes the default. Even strategic overextension comes at a cost. And over time, that strategy has limits.
4. Practice in Low-Stakes Moments: Saying no becomes easier with use, especially when the risk is low and the guilt doesn’t creep in. Start small: opt out of an internal committee that doesn’t align with your role, decline a non-essential meeting, skip a social event that drains rather than energizes you, decline to join a site visit that’s outside your project scope, or say no to reviewing a draft that someone else is already covering. These might seem minor, but they help you build the habit of pausing before agreeing, and that habit becomes essential when the stakes are higher. Practicing in low-pressure moments builds the muscle, so it’s available when you really need it.
5. Separate the Request from the Relationship: You're not rejecting the person; you're declining the request. That distinction matters. Whether it's a colleague, a supervisor, or a peer you respect, you can say no while affirming the relationship. You can still appreciate their work or intentions, even if you can't take something on right now. Make that clear so your no doesn't sound like a withdrawal of support, but a decision based on capacity, timing, or focus. When people feel seen and respected, they're more likely to respect your boundaries in return.
6. Offer a Simple Reason : You don’t need to go into detail or explain your entire calendar, but offering a brief reason can help the message land with care. You might say you’re focused on other priorities, or that your capacity is already stretched this week. Be honest, not apologetic (you haven’t done anything wrong). A clear, grounded no is often easier to hear than a vague or overly detailed explanation. It's not about declining; it's more about communicating boundaries with respect.
7. Offer an Alternative or Reframe the Request: Sometimes a direct no isn’t possible or isn’t strategic. But that doesn’t mean you have to take on more than you can manage silently. In these moments, offering an alternative or reframing the request can be just as effective. Especially when a request comes from your supervisor or someone with decision-making authority, a collaborative tone can go a long way.
You might say: I understand this is important and time-sensitive. I’ve already prioritized tasks A and B this week because they’re key for our team’s deliverables. Would you like me to shift something to make space for this? Or should we look at adjusting the timeline?
You’re not saying no: you’re offering to problem-solve. And that keeps the focus on shared outcomes, not personal limitations.
If needed, you can also be clear about what’s at stake:
I can take this on, but I want to flag that delivering all of it in the current timeframe could compromise the quality. Should I aim for something good enough on one of these, or would it make sense to stagger the deadlines?
This approach doesn’t shut down the request. It opens up a conversation about what matters most and how to make the trade-offs visible and intentional.
8. Set Expectations Upfront: If there’s a pattern, someone who frequently leans on you beyond your role, it can help to be proactive. You might say, “I’m really focusing on X this quarter, so I won’t have much space for new asks right now.” When the next request comes, you’re not starting from scratch; you’re following through.
9. Expect Discomfort and Say No Anyway: If you’re someone who’s used to saying yes, because it’s easier or feels safer, then saying no may stir up discomfort. You might worry you’re letting people down. You might second-guess yourself. That’s part of the shift. It takes courage to change the pattern. But over time, it gets easier, and it becomes part of how you manage your time, rather than a disruption.
10. Match Their Persistence: Some people won’t take no for an answer! That doesn’t mean you have to meet their insistence with defensiveness. You can simply restate your no calmly and consistently. It’s not rude to be firm, especially when it’s delivered with the right tone and a calm presence, even accompanied by a smile. A clear, respectful no can hold the line without escalating tension or closing the door on future collaboration
The point isn’t to follow a script, but to expand your options when you feel caught between a genuine no and the pressure to say yes. Saying no won’t always feel easy, but it can be intentional, respectful, and strategic. The more you practice, the more it becomes part of how you lead, protect your focus, and make room for what matters most.
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