Working with the Inner Critic: Inside and Out
By Sophie Makonnen
Inner critic, Self-doubt, Low Self-esteem, Imposter feelings…..
There is a plethora of terms about confidence and how we show up, terms we’ve grown very familiar with. They come up in articles, conversations, podcasts, and yes, even newsletters like this one! Perhaps a little overused at times, but for good reason. Because most of us have encountered that internal voice. The one that shows up uninvited, often at the worst moments: before a big presentation, when you're trying something new, or just after you've taken a meaningful step and you're still finding your footing, wondering if you really belong there.
But what if the goal isn’t to silence it completely? That’s what I appreciated about a recent article by Ron Carucci: Don’t Silence Your Inner Critic. Talk to it in the Harvard Business Review. It takes a different approach: instead of trying to shut the inner critic down, it invites us to talk to it, or at the very least, to acknowledge it. Like the elephant in the room, it's present. So why not get curious about what it's really saying and why?
And honestly? Over time, that voice does get tired. It loses steam. It shows up less often or with less intensity. That’s one of the small gifts of experience and time passing.
But in the meantime, while we’re still collecting those years and hard-earned insights, it’s something many of us have to deal with.
I appreciated this article because it offers a perspective that aligns well with what we often explore in coaching: recognizing and naming what’s happening in the moment. Sometimes, the most powerful first step is just that: naming what’s going on. It sounds simple, but we often skip over the moment's truth in the rush to explain, rationalize, or fix. We’re anxious, but jump into problem-solving instead of naming the fear. We feel pressure, but focus on the task rather than acknowledging the weight we’re carrying. And we reduce it to the whole story.
But what’s showing up in the moment is rarely just one thing. Often, it’s a mix of different inner reactions pulling in different directions.
In coaching, we often take a moment to notice what’s really going on inside. It’s rarely just one feeling. Often, there’s a mix of reactions: part of you wants to push ahead, another part hesitates; one voice is aiming for perfection, while another is trying to protect you from failure. None of these responses is wrong—they each have a purpose. But they don’t all need to be steering the wheel.
It also echoes practices in Narrative Coaching, where we separate ourselves from the stories we tell (or have inherited), so we can choose how we respond rather than react automatically.
In Emotional Intelligence work, this is part of self-awareness—learning to observe our inner dialogue and shift from automatic thoughts to intentional responses.
Coaching doesn’t dwell on the past; it focuses on the present and the type of future we would like to build. It helps you bring awareness to what’s showing up in your day-to-day experiences, like patterns in your thinking or decision-making, and supports you in choosing how you want to respond and move forward, within your own goals and values.
Naming the critic doesn’t make it disappear, but it does strip it of its power to run the show.
The article outlines five practical strategies that echo what we often explore in coaching conversations—tools that help you shift from inner criticism to greater clarity, self-awareness, and forward momentum. Here’s a quick summary of the author’s recommendations:
🛠️ Five Coaching-Aligned Strategies
1. Trace the Origin Story
Understand where the critic’s voice came from (e.g., childhood, cultural expectations, formative relationships).
The author recommends to write a short “biography” of the inner critic to gain perspective.
Tip: Give the critic a name/persona to create distance (e.g., “The Enforcer,” “Little Me Trying to Survive”).
2. Separate the Method from the Message
The critic may have legitimate concerns, but expresses them destructively.
Ask: “What is this voice trying to protect me from?” (failure, shame, rejection).
Tip: Acknowledge the voice with curiosity rather than contempt.
3. Create Distance and Start a Dialogue
Once you understand the critic’s role, try externalizing it—imagine it as a character with a distinct voice and point of view.
This helps shift from automatic self-judgment to intentional reflection.
Tip: Journaling a dialogue can reveal what the critic believes and fears.
4. Lead with Self-Compassion
Replace shame with realistic, caring self-talk (not blind positivity).
Acknowledge difficulty and respond as you would to a friend.
Tip: Practice “Name it and Nurture it”—identify the emotion, and offer care.
5. Give the Critic a New Script
Rewrite common inner critic messages into supportive ones.
Replace “You’ll blow this” with “You’re feeling pressure because this matters.”
Tip: Create a personal chart to reframe harsh self-talk into constructive language.
In this recent Harvard Business Review article, the inner critic is not your enemy—it’s a misguided protector. By training it with curiosity, self-awareness, and compassion, you begin to tame the critic, so it no longer runs the show. We go from being a saboteur to becoming a signal.
The most effective leaders aren’t free from self-doubt—they’ve learned to lead themselves through it.
Inner Dialogue and Outer Realities
While the HBR article offers valuable strategies for working with our inner critic, it's just one part of the picture. It would be remiss of me, not to mention irresponsible, given my own experience and what I’ve witnessed in the lives of so many colleagues, to talk about the inner critic without acknowledging the outer realities that often shape it. Not all inner critics come from the same place.
Self-doubt and harsh internal messages are sometimes shaped by external factors: workplace culture, social expectations, systemic bias, or environments where you don’t match the dominant or expected archetype of leadership. In many cases, what we internalize is not a reflection of our capability but a product of the biases and assumptions surrounding us.
The inner critic may speak from within, but it can have its roots in the world around us. It’s not fair or helpful to blame individuals for being hard on themselves when that inner harshness was shaped by systems, biases, or norms that made them feel they didn’t belong. Of course, once internalized, that voice becomes part of you, and it still needs to be acknowledged, understood, and worked with. It is an added layer to deal with.
Coaching can help hold both truths: that this voice didn’t come from nowhere, and that you still have the power to change your relationship with it.
That’s why my coaching approach is always two-fold:
🧠 Helping clients recognize and work with their internal dialogue, and
🌍 Making space to contextualize that dialogue, especially when it reflects broader social pressures or histories of exclusion.
Because you can’t coach the critic effectively if you ignore the system that shaped its tone.
If any of this feels familiar, and you’d like to explore it further, you’re welcome to book a conversation.
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