From Doing to Leading
By Sophie Makonnen
Becoming a manager for the first time can feel like stepping onto a moving train; you're expected to lead, guide, decide, and support, often with little preparation and even less clarity. If you've ever wondered, "Am I doing this right?" you're not alone. Most of us stumble a bit at the start. Leadership is a skill, not a personality trait, and learning to manage people (rather than tasks) takes time, intention, and a few bumps along the way. What matters most isn't avoiding mistakes; it's recognizing them, learning from them, and moving forward with greater clarity.
Many first-time managers are set up to struggle from the start. Research from the Center for Creative Leadership found that more than 25% of first-time managers felt unprepared to lead others when they stepped into the role. And nearly 60% reported receiving no training at all during that transition. Likewise, according to Harvard Business Review, 85% of new managers receive no formal leadership training before taking on the role. The article, also featured in Fast Company, cites research from the Chartered Management Institute showing that more than two-thirds of UK managers are considered "accidental managers," promoted for being capable, available, or well-liked rather than equipped to lead. There's no reason to believe these numbers are much different in other countries or settings with similarly structured workplaces, especially in large organizations where promotions often prioritize technical performance over leadership readiness.
If these patterns sound familiar, you're not imagining it. Many people step into management roles with little more than intuition, a strong work ethic, and the hope that they'll figure it out. I know this not just from coaching others but from experience. I was one of those accidental managers. I may have had leadership instincts, but that didn't mean I knew how to truly lead people and give them space, clarity, or support that helps a team grow. I hope I grew into that. I know I made every effort to.
But here's the good news: being an accidental manager doesn't have to define you. It's not about having all the answers from day one—it's about learning to lead with clarity, curiosity, and care, even when the path isn't perfectly mapped out.
Common Questions New Managers Ask Themselves
It’s one thing to read about best practices. Sitting with the messy, uncertain parts of leading people for the first time is another. Here are some of the most common (and honest) questions I hear from new managers—and some ways to think them through with more confidence and care:
How do I give feedback without damaging the relationship? Start with curiosity, not criticism. Ask how the person thought something went, and build the conversation. When people feel safe and respected, they're more likely to receive feedback as support, not judgment. You’re not there to fix them; you’re there to open up space for honest reflection and next steps.
What if I’m managing people who are older or more experienced than I? That can feel intimidating, but remember: your role is to create clarity, remove obstacles, and support collaboration, not to know more than everyone else. Leading with respect and humility goes a long way. Most people care less about your age and more about how you show up.
What if I’m not a ‘natural’ leader? You don’t have to be. Leadership is not a personality type. It’s a practice. What matters most is being willing to learn, reflect, and adjust as you go.
Isn’t it faster if I just do it myself? Yes, in the short term. But over time, doing everything yourself limits your team’s growth and your own. Delegating isn’t about dropping tasks; it’s about investing in others. It may take longer upfront, but it pays off when your team becomes more capable and engaged.
What if my team resists the changes I’m trying to make? That’s normal. People are often cautious when things shift—especially if they haven’t been part of shaping the change. Start small. Invite input early. Be transparent about what you’re trying to do and why. And be consistent—trust builds over time, especially when people feel seen, heard, and included in the process.
Common Pitfalls for First-Time Managers (That Many of Us Learn the Hard Way)
There’s no shortage of articles listing the most common mistakes new managers make. But rather than overwhelm you with an exhaustive list, I’ll focus on a few that feel especially relevant, and yes, I’ve been guilty of some myself. These aren’t about judgment; they’re about recognition.
1. Holding on too tightly.
Not delegating tasks
Micromanaging
Over-focusing on details as a way to stay in control
2. Trying to lead by doing, not by developing.
Fixing mistakes yourself instead of coaching through them
Talking more and listening less
Making too much change too fast, without bringing people along
3. Losing sight of trust and relationships.
Failing to prioritize trust-building
Underestimating how much listening builds credibility
Letting competing demands crowd out human connection
4. Struggling to navigate the system.
Focusing only on managing down, while neglecting how to manage across and up
Feeling unsure about how to move within the organization or influence beyond your team
What Helps New Managers Succeed?
Recognizing common patterns is just the starting point. What’s more helpful is knowing how to identify the kind of support that shapes a manager’s development. That support needs to be tailored and meet you where you are. You already bring valuable experience and knowledge to the role; the goal is to build on that. Leadership isn’t about knowing everything; it’s about learning to think, decide, and support others in real time, especially when the path isn’t clear.
These four foundational practices can help create the conditions for greater confidence, clarity, and effectiveness, especially when formal training is limited or out of reach. As you read through them, notice which one resonates most with where you are right now; it might be the best place to start.
Moving from individual contributor to manager success means that it is now about working with and through others. The shift from individual contributor to manager can be disorienting. You’re no longer measured by what you can deliver on your own, but by how well you support others to deliver. That’s a big mindset change. It means stepping back from being the problem-solver and starting to guide others through their own thinking and execution without disappearing from the process.
🟡 Try this: Choose one team member this week and ask a simple, genuine check-in question beyond the task list. Something like, “What’s been energizing you lately—or draining you? Small moments of connection build trust over time
Tailored support: New managers may know what they need to do but not how to do it or how to find other ways of doing it if they need to change their approach. What they often need is access to new approaches, along with a clearer understanding of their current leadership style, strengths, and blind spots. Growth comes faster when support is tailored to where they are, not where we assume they should be.
🟡 Try this: After a meeting or 1:1 that didn’t go as planned, take five minutes to ask yourself: What was I trying to achieve? How did the other person respond? What could I try differently next time? You don’t need a formal debrief, just a habit of paying closer attention. And if you want a clearer picture of your patterns over time, consider trying a leadership assessment; several are available online and can offer helpful insights into your style and strengths.
From One-Off to Ongoing: One-off trainings can spark awareness, but they rarely lead to lasting change, especially once people are back in their busy routines, managing deadlines and unexpected issues. For new managers to truly grow, they need ongoing support: coaching, mentoring, or peer learning spaces that make room for reflection, experimentation, and feedback. Learning to lead isn’t a checkbox; it’s a continuous, intentional process.
🟡 Try this: Set aside regular moments to reflect on what’s working, what’s not, and what you’re learning about yourself as a manager. Working with a coach or mentor over time can help you see patterns more clearly and stay grounded in your growth, especially when things get busy or uncertain.
Lead Through Relationships, Not Just Tasks: Many new managers focus on getting the work done, but leadership is about how the work gets done, and by whom. Investing in relationships—listening actively, building trust, and communicating with clarity—creates the foundation for collaboration, accountability, and long-term success. Your impact as a leader is measured not just by results, but by how people feel working with you.
🟡 Try this: In your next 1:1, ask:“What helped this go well—and is there anything we could do differently to make it even smoother next time?” This isn’t about fixing something that went wrong; it’s about building a habit of reflection. You’re modeling shared ownership, showing you’re open to learning, and creating space for the kind of small adjustments that strengthen trust over time.
What to do next ?
Learning doesn’t only happen in classrooms, we know that. For most new managers, the real learning happens in the hallway after a tough meeting, in the pause before responding to a team member, or in the quiet reflection that follows a mistake. These moments may not come with a certificate, but they’re where leadership actually takes shape.
The four practices we’ve outlined aren’t a checklist—they’re an ongoing invitation to pay attention, stay curious, and lead with more clarity, even when everything around you is moving fast.
That’s where coaching or mentoring can be especially valuable, not as a one-off intervention, but as a steady tool for making sense of what’s happening in real time. Whether it’s processing a difficult conversation, rethinking how to delegate, or simply having a sounding board, support that meets you where you are can accelerate your learning and make the journey feel a little less lonely.
If something in this blog resonated with where you are right now, you’re welcome to book a free strategy call with me. It’s simply a space to step back, reflect, and think through what kind of support could help you lead with more clarity and confidence, wherever you are in your journey.
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