Emotional Intelligence at Work: It Works….
By Sophie Makonnen
Emotional Intelligence: More Than a Buzzword
You’ve likely heard of emotional intelligence, maybe in a leadership training, a team retreat, or a passing reference during a meeting. It’s one of those terms that gets used often, but rarely explored.
In complex work environments, where stakes are high, teams are diverse, and hierarchies are often invisible, emotional intelligence isn’t a bonus skill. It’s foundational. It helps you navigate ambiguity, build trust across differences, and make thoughtful decisions when time, clarity, or consensus are in short supply.
At its core, emotional intelligence is the capacity to stay aware of what’s happening inside you and around you, and to respond with intention, not just instinct. It’s what allows you to stay steady under pressure, engage with others effectively, and lead with clarity even when things are uncertain or emotionally charged.
No matter how technically skilled or experienced you are, emotional intelligence shapes how others experience your leadership. It shows up in how you listen, how you offer feedback, how you read a room, how you manage conflict and, perhaps most importantly, how you manage yourself when things get tough.
In this blog, we’ll explore what emotional intelligence actually is, why it matters for leadership and career growth, and how you can begin to build or deepen it, wherever you are in your journey.
What Is Emotional Intelligence—Really?
Let’s start by making this simple.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage your own emotions, and to recognize and respond effectively to the emotions of others. That’s it. It’s not about being overly emotional. It’s not about always staying calm. And it’s certainly not about becoming someone else’s emotional sponge.
At its core, EI is about being aware of what’s happening in you and around you and then choosing how to respond to reflect your values, not just your reflexes.
The term was popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, who outlined five key components of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. We’ll explore each one in the next section. But first, let’s clear up a few common misconceptions.
EI is not about being “nice.” It doesn’t mean you avoid conflict, say yes to everything, or smooth things at your own expense. I would even venture that developing emotional intelligence often involves learning to set clear boundaries and communicate difficult truths with intention and care.
It’s also not about suppressing emotion. Many of us were told—explicitly or implicitly—to downplay what we feel to appear composed, “professional,” or not too sensitive. Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean ignoring those expectations. It means being aware of what you feel and choosing how to respond, without losing yourself or your credibility in the process.
And no, it’s not something you’re either born with or not. EI is something you can strengthen over time. With reflection, feedback, and practice, you can grow your capacity to notice, regulate, and respond to emotions that support your goals, relationships, and leadership presence.
In your professional life, EI is what allows you to:
· Pause before reacting in a heated meeting.
· Recognize when you’re carrying stress from one situation into another.
· Pick up on what’s not being said in a tense conversation.
· Stay present and grounded when others are anxious or overwhelmed.
These are not “soft” skills (a term I find misleading). They are skills that often determine how effectively we lead, collaborate, and build trust under pressure.
From my experience, they’re often what distinguishes technically competent professionals from those who are trusted with greater influence and responsibility, not because they know more, but because of how they show up.
The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence
Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five key components of EI. Think of them not as isolated traits, but as interconnected capacities and skills you can strengthen with intention and practice.
Let’s walk through each one.
1. Self-Awareness: This is the foundation. Self-awareness means being able to recognize your own emotional state in the moment and understand how it’s shaping your thoughts, behaviors, and decisions.
It sounds simple, but in practice, it takes real attention. You’re in a meeting, and someone interrupts you. Do you feel annoyed? Defensive? Small? Can you notice that feeling before it takes over—and choose how to respond, rather than reacting automatically?
As we explored in one of my previous blogs, “Emotions Are Data”, emotions aren’t disruptions; they’re signals. The more fluently you can read your own internal signals, the better equipped you are to lead with clarity.
2. Self-Regulation: Once you can name what you're feeling, the next step is managing how you respond. Self-regulation doesn’t mean suppressing emotions or pretending things are fine. It means staying grounded enough to act in line with your values, even under stress.
It’s a skill, not a fixed trait. While it’s shaped early in life, it can be strengthened through small practices like mindfulness, movement, journaling, or simply pausing before reacting. That space between emotion and action is where better decisions happen.
This is where emotional agility becomes essential. It helps you stay connected to what you feel without being overwhelmed by it and respond in clear, intentional, and aligned ways with who you want to be.
3. Motivation is a key element of EI. It helps you stay committed to your goals, even when the path is difficult. Strong motivation fuels not just perseverance but also confidence in your ability to navigate setbacks and keep going with purpose.
4. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, without rushing to fix, judge, or defend. It’s essential in diverse, high-pressure teams where different perspectives and power dynamics shape every conversation.
As I presented in the blog on listening, empathy isn’t passive. It involves curiosity, attention, and restraint, the willingness to hear what’s being said (and what’s not).
5. Social Skills: This final piece brings it all together. Social skills are about managing relationships, whether giving feedback, resolving tension, or influencing across silos. It’s not about being extroverted or charismatic. It’s about knowing when to speak, when to listen, and how to engage with clarity and intention.
These five components aren’t fixed traits. They’re capacities you can grow through attention and practice. You may be stronger in some areas than others, and that’s normal.
What matters isn’t perfection, it’s movement toward what matters to you. As your self-awareness deepens, so does your ability to regulate, empathize, and respond with steadiness. Over time, these elements become part of how you lead—not through constant effort, but through grounded presence.
Why Emotional Intelligence Is Essential for Professional Growth
Doing your job well is only part of the picture. Emotions are always present, whether we acknowledge them or not. And how you navigate them, in yourself and others, plays a major role in how you’re perceived, how you collaborate, and how you grow. As your responsibilities expand, so do expectations. You’re not just executing tasks, you’re managing relationships, navigating ambiguity, and influencing decisions without always having formal authority. Emotional intelligence becomes a compass in this complexity. It helps you:
· Read the room and stay grounded when tensions rise
· Deliver feedback without defensiveness
· Reframe setbacks without spinning out
· Build trust through presence, not just performance
Being clear, calm, and responsive builds credibility. Over time, that credibility turns into influence not because you always have the perfect answer, but because people trust how you show up when it counts.
Why Leaders need Emotional Intelligence to Lead
Leadership isn’t just about delivering outcomes. It’s about how you lead through uncertainty, navigate tension, and respond to people, especially when things aren’t going smoothly. That’s where EI becomes indispensable.
In my experience, the leaders people trust most aren’t the ones who never show emotion. They’re the ones who are emotionally attuned, even under pressure. Who can hold space, stay grounded, and make decisions that reflect both the task at hand and the people involved.
As your role grows, so does your visibility. People aren’t just listening to your ideas, they’re also picking up on your tone, body language, and energy. Emotional presence becomes part of your leadership signal. As Maya Angelou put it: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Emotional Intelligence Across Difference and Context
EI isn’t one-size-fits-all. What empathy looks like, how emotions are expressed, and how trust is built can vary widely across cultural contexts, power dynamics, and organizational norms. That’s what makes emotional intelligence not just helpful but essential in environments shaped by complexity and by variety in belonging.
In some settings, being direct is seen as confident. In others, it may be perceived as abrasive. Some teams value emotional openness; others expect restraint. And these differences aren’t just cultural, they’re shaped by power, identity, gender, and role. Whether or how you’re allowed to express emotion at work often depends on who you are in the room. The same tone or emotional response can be read very differently depending on whether it’s coming from a senior colleague, someone early in their career, a man, a woman, or someone whose identity doesn’t match dominant expectations.
That’s why EI requires more than internal reflection; it asks for relational awareness. It’s not just about knowing how you feel. It’s about noticing how your emotional expression is received and how others may feel less safe or less free to express theirs. In these contexts, self-awareness becomes cultural awareness. You begin to recognize how your own habits around tone, timing, or emotional expression are shaped by norms that may not be shared. EI helps you pause before interpreting behavior through your own lens and choose curiosity over judgment.
Can Emotional Intelligence Be Measured or Developed?
The short answer: yes.
Emotional intelligence is not fixed. It can absolutely be developed through reflection, feedback, and intentional practice.
There are structured tools that can support this kind of development. Instruments like: the EQ-i 2.0, the MSCEIT (Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test), and Daniel Goleman’s Emotional and Social Competency Inventory are three among several tools that offer a framework for exploring different aspects of EI. These are not clinical or diagnostic tools, but they can serve as useful starting points for reflection, especially when paired with coaching or leadership development conversations. It’s important to note that each of these tools requires formal training and certification to be used responsibly and effectively.
A Daily Practice, Not a Destination
EI isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about developing greater awareness, steadiness, and purpose. It helps you recognize what you’re feeling, understand how it’s influencing you, and respond in ways that align with your role and your values, even when things are uncertain or difficult. In leadership, that kind of self-awareness matters. It isn’t only about being in the room, it’s about how you respond under pressure. Can you stay focused when emotions are high? Can you listen carefully, communicate clearly, and make decisions without rushing to react or disengage? EI helps you do that with consistency and credibility.
You don’t need a formal assessment to begin. EI grows through small, consistent choices:
· Pausing before you react
· Naming what you’re feeling, even privately
· Listening without jumping to defend or explain
· Reflecting after hard conversations: What felt aligned? What didn’t?
Even quiet practices, like journaling, mindfulness, or asking for honest feedback, can build this capacity over time. These aren’t grand gestures. They’re the everyday work of showing up with more self-awareness, more care, and more intention.
Emotional intelligence won’t solve everything, but it’s an essential skill set no matter where you are in your professional journey.
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